two weeks into getting back home from the balkans i still feel wrapped in an air of mysticism.  i still wake up earlier in the morning than when i left--a pattern that i had wanted to continue every time my circadian rhythm gets disrupted.  i hope i am able to maintain this.  perhaps it was the many eastern orthodox churches that i have been in, the monasteries, the overwhelming version of history that was seemingly new to me, definitely the companion on the journey.  to put simply i stumbled upon a newfound appreciation for europe.

after months of dealing with issues in my professional life, i uninspiredly booked a round trip to sofia.  uninspired because the many times i had been to europe, i was starting to see it as becoming more and more familiar.  it seemed the cities now look the same, the experiences, the routines.  but i did not really have any plans.  all i know was that i wanted to get away somewhere quiet and some place i have not been to, and i do not want a lot of fuss and stress when it comes to wandering around the country.  after failing to obtain arranged activities for my 10 days, i found a local tour provider that offered road trips to the neighbouring countries.  i decided to book the 4 countries in 4 days, and also the day trips to the other bulgarian cities.

no sooner had the first trip commenced on a monday when two young men, g and a, got out of a volkswagen station wagon, introduced their selves, and told me i was the only one who booked the veliko tarnovo trip, and also the balkan loop trip. g was an enthusiastic man who apparently had been with the company for five years.  a was the still-shy, mild-mannered trainee.  i panicked for a minute thinking the last thing i wanted was to be forced to engage in conversations on this trip.  and i will be traveling with two men!  the reason why i had always opted for group tours is because if anything i wanted to be driven around safely and conveniently, but at the same time i could avoid the awkwardness of forced socializing.  i however, do not prefer the bus experience, so i always opt for the small group trips.  interestingly, whenever i travel with a group of strangers, i always start with bouts of anxiety, which dwindles down as i get to know the companions and end up getting along with most if not all.  still, i thought gee, i now had to deal with this.

fortunately we got along well in veliko tarnovo.  it felt like a road trip with your buddies.  i learned a little more of the history, and saw a laid back, well-preserved fortified, medieval city that not a lot of people in my side of the world know about.  back in sofia we bid our goodbyes later in the evening, and i was told that i will be picked up in two days time.  the following day, i travelled with another gentleman and finally an australian tourist for plovdiv.  plovdiv is dubbed the 2019 european city of culture, perhaps mainly because of the amazing roman ruins, unique doll-like masions from old world rich, and some other active archeological sites the city is currently undertaking.

thursday came and only g arrived in the same station wagon.  i asked, "where's a?"  "he was given a job" was the quick answer.  oh great, now i am travelling alone with a male stranger.  this ought to be interesting.  thankfully the meeting days prior made the drive less awkward.  g is a character--one of those i probably will not forget unless i obtain alzheimer's in my old age.  most of it was because i spent a lot of alone time with him on the road, he was with me when i successfuly saw my 50th country, and most importantly, that i saw in him a male version of me.  just more idealistic, and with more angst, perhaps because he is in a different world and a decade younger.  we may not have agreed on everything as we had a lot of philosophical and political conversations that truly highlighted the differences of perceptions and beliefs, but the fact we were able to engage in those conversations was absolutely refreshing to say the least.  i have never had those in-depth dialogues with someone in a long time, and while it can be quite exhausting, part of the journey's meaningful experience were those discussions.  yes even when he admitted that he was having difficulty explaining and understanding english, and obviously i know less than 10 bulgarian words, heck i can't even read them cyrillic alphabet!  by chance on this trip i had been reading "the road less travelled" by scott peck, and interestingly, the lessons in that book related to our conversations.  i made sure to finish the book before we parted and even when he said he may not understand it as it would be in complicated english, i told him to keep it anyway and read it in his own pace.

needless, i had an amazing journey.  when on the first day g asked if we could do a detour to the north macedonian countryside as he would like to see an old observatory, i without even thinking excitedly answered "yes!"  i'm not sure how many more detours and spontaneous activities we took.  whenever he says "i had not been there" i always just say "then we should go!"  we spent time in museums, active archeological sites, and he got me to kayak for the first time.  

on one breakfast conversation however, he was steadfastly arguing we have an intution that is not influenced by anything and that guides us to right and wrong choices.  i firmly disagreed and i can tell he was agitated and not in a good mood the entire day all the way down to thessaloniki, where a series of unfortunate encounters with difficult people made things a little too stressful for him.  suddenly i was confronted by the realization that gender roles may also be on play.  insecurities on being out of his home territory may have also made things uncomfortable.  since then i made sure we stick to more historical details.  before i arrived in the balkans i thought i would understand why the region is always embroiled in land and cultural conflicts.  after spending a week, i was even more confused.  it would be unfair to think it simplistic especially with the short period i spent and just learning of the opinions of one side who in fairness kept reminding me "from a bulgarian perspective...", however, i could not help but think that people have become so defensive over their identities that the road will always be long and arduous for some type of reconciliation.  it's a completely different viewpoint where i live, and i find my perspective, which places a high value on listening and becoming more critical of groupthink is not at all welcomed.  a week after i got home however, i sent g an email noting i just mindlessly booked a week to another continent, a strange country, spent 5 days on the road alone with a stranger, went ahead kayaking even when there was a chance i could drown (as i told him i do not know how to swim), but in return i had one of the best road trips of my life.  i have not gotten a reply--but i hope he sees my point.  i always noted i do not know the answer to everything, but i do know that at times there is merit to throwing caution in the wind.

on the way back to sofia, he asked what my favourite part of the trip was.  i laughed and in my usual self-deprecating way, explained he may find it weird, but it was while we were driving on a winding narrow middle of nowhere road, just after crossing the serbia-north macedonia border, he turned a curve and saw a turtle.  i asked him if we could stop and he obliged.  we both got out of the vehicle and just stared at the turtle for a few minutes.  i'm not sure if he got it as he just replied "ok...besides the turtle...".  i have been to many places, each with their own beauty and soul.  and i have my favourites, yes.  the balkans are no doubt beautiful and underrated, but really and truly at the end of the day it is the simple, random experiences, the memories that matter.  for me the turtle was almost a sign that tells me "life can be peachy, so slow down..."

on my email to him however, i said i changed my mind.  it was not the turtle, it was the spontaneous decisions of detours and experiences that were not part the itinerary that we both made.  i do hope to meet with him again one of these days.  he reminded me of the part on rohinton mistry's "a fine balance" novel where mahnek was on a train having a conversation with an older gentleman.  the gentleman said something to the effect of "...one of these days we shall meet again, and you will tell me stories..."  i did appreciate listening to his stories, the historical, the political, and the personal.  but unlike mahnek i sure hope he finds happiness instead.    

Posted by ariadne180 on June 2, 2019 at 12:11 PM | Add a Comment
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